"It's late and I'm feeling so tired
Having trouble sleeping.
This constant compromise
Between thinking and breathing.

Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'm never give in?
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me I don't seem myself
Couldn't I blame something else?

Just don't say I'm falling in love" -Corrine Bailey Rae

This is an example of how music explain life. All this week, I've been having trouble sleeping...actually both my boyfriend-ish and I just can't sleep. Mine aren't nightmares but they're not sweet dreams.

I remember the first time I told my boyfriend I was falling in love with him. We worked the Obama campaign, met Hill Harper for the first time (we met him twice ^_^), then had dinner with his parents. I had known him for maybe a month and I was already meeting his parents because of Parent's weekend at school. Well we have this spot on our campus in the cut where we use to go when we first started talking. So we went to this nice spot and he leaned in and asked if he thought I could ever find myself loving him. Four weeks into it...I was telling him that I could find myself falling in love with him and after another hour standing there with him holding me...I told him I loved him as he told me some other girl liked him and they had fooled around. Some heavy shit I know...but we got through it. And though he didn't say he loved me right there, it wasn't much long after...actually I don't remember when he first said it to me, strange but it never quite mattered cause I could always feel it coming from him. That's just me and him though.

If you count from that moment that we started dating...its been 7 months...7 long months of i dont knows, disappointments, happy moments, sad moments, angry moments, EVERYTHING. He's my first serious relationship and I never thought I could be this serious about my first serious relationship. Weird I know. So as I said I went to see him last weekend at his home. Then early this week he said he needed space, scary very scary. So today I laid with him and he told me whats been bothering him...I understand why he hasn't been sleeping. He's just as scared, maybe even more scared of how serious we're getting. I dunno, so he opened up to me and it felt lke 5 seconds later I was leaving and he was headed out to go have fun. I have so many questions, so many emotions...I just wanted a few more minutes with him. Ugh...I'm so overwhelmed thinking about everything.........enough blogging for tonight, maybe I'll finish tomorrow....

I cant even put MUSIC to this...thats how embarassed I curently am. Not ashamed or anything, but me and my boyfriend talk on AIM all the time. He told me that it s actually something different from many of his other girlfriends, we have SOOOOO many ways of contacting each other.

So I was told my butt isnt the best it could be so I looked up things to work out my ass. So I told him earlier...this girl looks like shes practicing for having sex, and he didnt believe me cause I couldnt remember all the stuff that she did in the video when i was showing him some of the moves. So I sent him an aim this evening and was lke "yo, so this chick looks like shes practiving for fucking" and then sent the link. Turns out...it was his DAD!!!!!! AHHHHHHH! Mind you I just spend the entire weekend with him and both his parents. I can only imagine what his dad must think of me. Well its really not that bad, but it would be shocking for that to just pop up while you're minding your own business. He called my boy and was like what is this or something cause then he called me and was lke stop talking to me on aim and what did you send my father?!!?!

I was shocked for over ten minutes and finally sent an apology and explanation saying: "i'm so sorry! i thought it was ** we were talking about work outs earlier and i was tellin him how i didn't like this workout" not I assumed his father liked me but now i'm like AHHHHHH! What do yall think? Anything to be worried about?

"Dreamer"~Charley Paige

I think my "thing" is going to be to start all my titles with titles of my favorite songs. Music kind of let's me relax and leads me into my writing, I write easier when I have neo-soul playing behind me. Especially neo-soul, one of my favorite artists you probably have never heard of before, her name is Charley Paige. Check out www.myspace.com/charleypaige and it will lead you to more information about her. She's amazing and her song dreamer just makes me feel like I'm floating. I like the nostalgic sound of a lot of her songs...she's on youtube and you can buy her album on iTunes. Pretty badass I think. She even writes her own music, she's just so PURE and you just don't get that anymore. She is one of the reasons I want to go to New York. My boyfriend is from New York, but if he could manage me seeing her in person, I would just about cry!

Ok to the meat, where you nosey people are probably wondering, what is going on in the life of Candice C.R. huh? Well...I don't have any concrete information I feel like sharing, but I would like to let you all know, God works in mysterious ways. People who I never thought I'd ever be friends with again, we're creating new friendships. I don't want to talk about it now, but something serious happened to me in my life and my friends weren't there when I needed them. For the most part I cut them all of, but I think I let one girl in too soon before we mended our friendship...so we're back out of sorts and I think that's God telling me...maybe you DON'T need her. There was also this other girl who I let go as a friend, and I would NOT let her come back in my life for whatever reason. But she has kept trying, I think that's a good sign that maybe its about time that we mend what was broken. God lets one person out of your life just so you have room to bring someone else in....it's almost ALWAYS the case. On top of this I've started to become active with the members of my church, they have been like family, always there in the background even though I didn't really need it.

Now, why did I choose this song? It kind describes me as a person. I'll admit it, I'm booksmarts and EXTREMELY naive. But I'm working on my more worldly qualities, but sometimes I just WANT to be a dreamer, reaching for the stars and staying there. Its also kind of a testiment at how even though I WILL Grow up...I'll always have that special part in me that will never leave the sky. I will always be a kid at heart...I love disney movies and don't think that will ever change.

One last thing...Last Year this time I asked God over and over what he has planned for me and basically prayed it was SOMETHING good. He has set me up for a wonderful guy i love whos growing into a man that loves me, a solid education, and preparation for anything.